Its been a waiting kind of week.
Waiting to find out about jobs.
Waiting for this big test to be over.
Waiting to get the mail sorted out.
Waiting for the guy to finally propose (not to me, silly).
And I'm learning something I think.
Saturday night, teaching a preschool Sunday School class on a Saturday at a church I do no attend, I grabbed the lesson plan fifteen minutes before I was supposed to teach.
Story: Abraham and Sarah.
Lifeskill: Patience
Moral: Sometimes waiting is hard, but God always comes through in the end.
Okay, fine, God. You want me to learn patience alongside these cute 4 year olds? Fine. I'll sit and listen... as long as its over quickly.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Unemployed and Unanswered
Usually, you're hired or you're not hired.
Usually, things are pretty clean-cut. You start work, or you keep hunting for another job.
Somehow, I have been in the middle of nanny chaos. After numerous near-hires, I'm now in a weird "am I hired?" phase. It started out with emails in the middle of April with a decline for an interview at Easter. However, after one family hired me and then got cold feet, I called to reschedule.
Another month later, 2 interviews, a trial run and a paid evening babysitting, I have no idea what I've agreed to.
Sure, we've talked about all the issues: vacation pay, hours, expectations, hourly rate, childcare responsibilities, start date, etc. But we've missed one key one: whether or not I'm actually hired. I keep reading into everything:
"If she wants me to learn their bedtime routine, does it mean I'm hired?"
"She said she wanted to wait to talk until after she called my references, what does that mean?"
"So... she said that she'll just call me for random nights... does that mean I'm just another sitter now?"
Everything is a mess.
I give it 4 more days before I admit to being utterly confused.
Usually, things are pretty clean-cut. You start work, or you keep hunting for another job.
Somehow, I have been in the middle of nanny chaos. After numerous near-hires, I'm now in a weird "am I hired?" phase. It started out with emails in the middle of April with a decline for an interview at Easter. However, after one family hired me and then got cold feet, I called to reschedule.
Another month later, 2 interviews, a trial run and a paid evening babysitting, I have no idea what I've agreed to.
Sure, we've talked about all the issues: vacation pay, hours, expectations, hourly rate, childcare responsibilities, start date, etc. But we've missed one key one: whether or not I'm actually hired. I keep reading into everything:
"If she wants me to learn their bedtime routine, does it mean I'm hired?"
"She said she wanted to wait to talk until after she called my references, what does that mean?"
"So... she said that she'll just call me for random nights... does that mean I'm just another sitter now?"
Everything is a mess.
I give it 4 more days before I admit to being utterly confused.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Birthday Blog
I've stopped blogging.
It seemed that when I had too much to do, I always had time to procrastinate by blogging. Now that I'm working less than full time, have no homework and a pretty relaxed social life, I seem to have no time to blog.
Not that I don't want to.
I walk the streets on my commute to the grocery story or dance class with narratives running through my head. Its like I live Stranger Than Fiction except that I don't wear a watch and I am at least unaware of a chain-smoking author plotting my death. I think in prose — in third person literature — about every aspect of my life. Maybe its from my recent obsession with Nick Hornby novels. Or maybe it has to do with my mind being free for creative indulgences. Nevertheless, story lines float through my brain and I remember why I wrote screenplays as a child.
My stories are not limited to the present tense. I've even been thinking a lot about my past and have jotted down story ideas. Yet, I haven't even put a pen on a page to begin these journeys in half-fictions. I'm just unmotivated. It seems as though, now that I have no homework to do, I have no reason to blog. Blogging was my oasis from the stress of life. Now that life is not stressed, I have no need to blog, no reason to share my thoughts.
Today, I'm blogging solely because I'm supposed to be studying. Old habits die hard, and with a GRE book open next to me, I'm checking birthday messages on facebook and writing these wondering thoughts. Soon, I'll have an idea of where these tangential thoughts will lead me. Soon I'll have processed enough to share some thoughts but today, this short rambling is all I have.
And today is my 23rd birthday. And now, I have written you 23 sentences — enjoy.
It seemed that when I had too much to do, I always had time to procrastinate by blogging. Now that I'm working less than full time, have no homework and a pretty relaxed social life, I seem to have no time to blog.
Not that I don't want to.
I walk the streets on my commute to the grocery story or dance class with narratives running through my head. Its like I live Stranger Than Fiction except that I don't wear a watch and I am at least unaware of a chain-smoking author plotting my death. I think in prose — in third person literature — about every aspect of my life. Maybe its from my recent obsession with Nick Hornby novels. Or maybe it has to do with my mind being free for creative indulgences. Nevertheless, story lines float through my brain and I remember why I wrote screenplays as a child.
My stories are not limited to the present tense. I've even been thinking a lot about my past and have jotted down story ideas. Yet, I haven't even put a pen on a page to begin these journeys in half-fictions. I'm just unmotivated. It seems as though, now that I have no homework to do, I have no reason to blog. Blogging was my oasis from the stress of life. Now that life is not stressed, I have no need to blog, no reason to share my thoughts.
Today, I'm blogging solely because I'm supposed to be studying. Old habits die hard, and with a GRE book open next to me, I'm checking birthday messages on facebook and writing these wondering thoughts. Soon, I'll have an idea of where these tangential thoughts will lead me. Soon I'll have processed enough to share some thoughts but today, this short rambling is all I have.
And today is my 23rd birthday. And now, I have written you 23 sentences — enjoy.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Closing Time
So, its done. My time at Moody has drawn to a close with a beautiful but hectic day of moving, cleaning and eating out.
My time with my floor has come to an end, and two great years with amazing women is over.
I'm sure this summer will be filled with blog posts mourning those losses and celebrating what's next, but today is a lament for Romans 12.
Today is the last day of my semester of Christian character building via Romans 12. For the last 2 or 3 weeks, I've dropped the ball on blogging on the subject matter, from feeding my enemies to overcoming evil with good.
I'd love to tell you how God has used those things in my life — because he has— but today is a day to mourn the last of my spiritual structure and the start of a very confusing time free of detailed time commitments and clear boundaries on my spiritual exercises. Now I'm in for a period of forging ahead, and finding out what comes next on my own.
It's terrifying. I'm excited for what is next and have confidence that my faith will flourish, but there is a piece of me that fears I will fall apart.
And I very well might.
So today, I'm drawing a close to my Romans 12 semester, and not sure what comes next in my world of blogging, but I'm signing off in the grace of God and clinging onto what I know is good — Christ himself.
To him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever. Amen.
My time with my floor has come to an end, and two great years with amazing women is over.
I'm sure this summer will be filled with blog posts mourning those losses and celebrating what's next, but today is a lament for Romans 12.
Today is the last day of my semester of Christian character building via Romans 12. For the last 2 or 3 weeks, I've dropped the ball on blogging on the subject matter, from feeding my enemies to overcoming evil with good.
I'd love to tell you how God has used those things in my life — because he has— but today is a day to mourn the last of my spiritual structure and the start of a very confusing time free of detailed time commitments and clear boundaries on my spiritual exercises. Now I'm in for a period of forging ahead, and finding out what comes next on my own.
It's terrifying. I'm excited for what is next and have confidence that my faith will flourish, but there is a piece of me that fears I will fall apart.
And I very well might.
So today, I'm drawing a close to my Romans 12 semester, and not sure what comes next in my world of blogging, but I'm signing off in the grace of God and clinging onto what I know is good — Christ himself.
To him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever. Amen.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Trust in the Lord
I keep saying the same thing lately, "I know I'm where God wants me."
Its my code word for, "I have no effing idea what is happening or how on earth this good, but I have confidence that it is right."
First it was an unexpected new co-worker at Loyola. I told one of the girls I was staying, and expected her to ooze with excitement (which she did), but what startled me was her response, "Larissa! That is so exciting! God is preparing something awesome at Loyola with you and Taylor."
Taylor, a good unisex name. I hoped it was male, so I could still own my female discipleship title. No such hope.
At first, I was bitter and jealous, and asked everyone to pray for my pride, jealousy and territorial-ness.
I still don't know what it will look like, but I'm excited nonetheless. In some ways, its freeing. Another woman to bond with the girls so that I can focus on the few that really connect with me. Another woman to lead bible studies so that I can be freed to focus on theology. I have no idea how it will work out, but I am confident that God is working in this for my good, and definitely for the good of the girls at Loyola.
Then, I called everyone I knew on Saturday telling them about my awesome new job with a family I loved. I couldn't wait to spend time with a precocious but fantastic 2 year old and her shy but energetic 4 year old brother. I imagined days spent at the Farmer's Market, afternoons at the Zoo, imaginary safaris around their River West condo.
They essentially told me I had the job on Saturday. We talked hours, vacation time, commuting adjustments when they moved to the suburbs. We talked discipline policies and childcare philosophies. We talked pay rate and they made sure the kids got 5 times to say goodbye to me.
I'll never see them again. The e-mail from the nanny agency was sweet. They loved me. They called me a breath of fresh air. And then they said they we're hiring me. All for good reasons. All reasons, that if I were honest, should have stopped me from saying yes. I don't really want to commute an hour to work. I don't want to be a with a family that lives in the burbs. But I loved them.
I have been freaking out for the last few hours about that reality. Partly embarrassed that I told everyone I got the job. Mostly concerned that as of next week, I will only be working 7 hours a week. But I know God will provide. If I am patient and discerning, God will put me in a job that is right for me.
I already have one interview scheduled and a mother that hopes this family that rejected me was providential so I could work with them.
There is hope.
I'm just working on taking what I have cranialized and believing it with my heart.
Its my code word for, "I have no effing idea what is happening or how on earth this good, but I have confidence that it is right."
First it was an unexpected new co-worker at Loyola. I told one of the girls I was staying, and expected her to ooze with excitement (which she did), but what startled me was her response, "Larissa! That is so exciting! God is preparing something awesome at Loyola with you and Taylor."
Taylor, a good unisex name. I hoped it was male, so I could still own my female discipleship title. No such hope.
At first, I was bitter and jealous, and asked everyone to pray for my pride, jealousy and territorial-ness.
I still don't know what it will look like, but I'm excited nonetheless. In some ways, its freeing. Another woman to bond with the girls so that I can focus on the few that really connect with me. Another woman to lead bible studies so that I can be freed to focus on theology. I have no idea how it will work out, but I am confident that God is working in this for my good, and definitely for the good of the girls at Loyola.
Then, I called everyone I knew on Saturday telling them about my awesome new job with a family I loved. I couldn't wait to spend time with a precocious but fantastic 2 year old and her shy but energetic 4 year old brother. I imagined days spent at the Farmer's Market, afternoons at the Zoo, imaginary safaris around their River West condo.
They essentially told me I had the job on Saturday. We talked hours, vacation time, commuting adjustments when they moved to the suburbs. We talked discipline policies and childcare philosophies. We talked pay rate and they made sure the kids got 5 times to say goodbye to me.
I'll never see them again. The e-mail from the nanny agency was sweet. They loved me. They called me a breath of fresh air. And then they said they we're hiring me. All for good reasons. All reasons, that if I were honest, should have stopped me from saying yes. I don't really want to commute an hour to work. I don't want to be a with a family that lives in the burbs. But I loved them.
I have been freaking out for the last few hours about that reality. Partly embarrassed that I told everyone I got the job. Mostly concerned that as of next week, I will only be working 7 hours a week. But I know God will provide. If I am patient and discerning, God will put me in a job that is right for me.
I already have one interview scheduled and a mother that hopes this family that rejected me was providential so I could work with them.
There is hope.
I'm just working on taking what I have cranialized and believing it with my heart.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Unrelated Thought
When I graduate, what will happen to my iCal?
What will I do with my ten color coded calendars and my overwhelming to do list? When I am living with 3 girls instead of 38, when I'm teaching theology at only one place, when I'm babysitting as my only job, when I'm reading because I want to, when I'm not spending all day applying to jobs and writing papers, what will become of my detailed list of requirements?
What will happen to my sense of worth, validated by each assignment I check off? What will become of me when each day has one assignment (work) instead of a rainbow of mixed obligations. Where will I find my identity when I'm not running off to meetings and getting A's on papers?
Who will I be when I am no longer a student?
Right now, I can tell you my identity is in Christ, and you will believe me when I show you my sparkling ten page paper which I received a 92 on. But next year, I will tell you my identity is in Christ and you will believe me because my life proves it. Only in Christ am I made whole.
What will I do with my ten color coded calendars and my overwhelming to do list? When I am living with 3 girls instead of 38, when I'm teaching theology at only one place, when I'm babysitting as my only job, when I'm reading because I want to, when I'm not spending all day applying to jobs and writing papers, what will become of my detailed list of requirements?
What will happen to my sense of worth, validated by each assignment I check off? What will become of me when each day has one assignment (work) instead of a rainbow of mixed obligations. Where will I find my identity when I'm not running off to meetings and getting A's on papers?
Who will I be when I am no longer a student?
Right now, I can tell you my identity is in Christ, and you will believe me when I show you my sparkling ten page paper which I received a 92 on. But next year, I will tell you my identity is in Christ and you will believe me because my life proves it. Only in Christ am I made whole.
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