Drowning in 2 Feet of Water

I'm not sure where I'm headed. I've packed my bag, preparing for the deepest winter and hoping sunshine and 70s will prevail. I've thought, maybe it will be smooth sailing from here on out — more like staying in the penthouse on a luxury cruise ship than smuggled in dark box hidden at the bottom of a cargo ship.

Yet something tells me that I'm not going to look forward to midnight buffets and cable tv. I'm gearing up to go to war, hoping to hold out long enough to reach my goal.

Its been a tough battle with God. He tells me we're on the same side, that its for my own good, but at the moment, the tears pour freely and I'm petrified.

I'm feeling a little like Jonah at the moment. As I'm heading down the path that I see best, I'm being thrown overboard and told its for my own good. 

It's been a day. A hard day in a dark world and I know I have a few more left. Yet, something inside of me keeps saying this is a good place to be. Take the hard moment to soften yourself, to be the girl God created you to be. Something is saying that its not enough to wait it out; I need to obey.

So here's to being a repentant Jonah. One who doesn't curse the tree for not providing for shade and one who does what God asks willingly. Its a lot to hope for, and takes more than I have to give. Luckily, I've learned something in my 2 years of Bible School: I don't do it alone.

So here I sit in this puddle of muck knowing this is not where I want to be and I am not who I want to be, but knowing — or at least hoping — that God really is enough for me. He alone gives us strength. He alone carries us through the chaos and brings us from death to life so that we can glory in all that he is.