I was giddy about the sunrise. I couldn't see it from my corner of the air mattress, but I was excited. As each ray of light slowly started to peak into the upstairs window, I knew it was nearly time to get up.
There are mornings where I wonder what the rest of the world is sleeping. 7 am, Saturday morning, I am cheerfully jumping out of bed while the other 10 girls on retreat nestle under their covers until at least 9:15.
But morning is here and I am ready to be here as well. Lately, I've been overly concerned about my actions being prideful. As I stumbled out of the room to do my devotions, I wondered if waking up early was something I prided myself on. I wondered if I should lay in bed longer, until it was more appropriate to get out of bed.
That's a silly suggestion. I'm still working on how to balance my pride with my every day life. I am slowly learning that pride seeps into every decision and every conversation, even those about working on pride. I am unable to conquer it alone. I'm slowly learning to put my struggles at the feet of the Cross and come to Jesus as I am.
So this morning, as I wait for the coffee to finish brewing and as I check the weather for the 15th time, I'm coming to God with my pride and my shame. Letting him know that I'm stuck in the balance: not sure of what comes next.
This is a battle I will fight everyday if I'm lucky. Let's just be grateful I'm never fighting it alone.
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