Dear God, I suppose I can settle for something you do for me.

Its funny the things we sing to God.

I love worship chapel. It is the single most refreshing thing in a crazy week, 40 minutes to meditate on God and sing out to him words more eloquent than my private groaning.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, worship chapel is the most frustrating 40 minutes of my life. I come to worship God in song and end up asking for all sorts of things and putting everything in my perspective.

Like telling God, "your grace is enough."

Really?

Really?

God created us. He's sovereign and powerful. Mighty and Righteous. Yet, we have the audacity to inform him, ever so kindly, that something he does for us is enough.

If God were cynical (and I'm grateful he is not) he would respond to our foolishness with "Oh golly gee thanks! You, who I created, who I redeemed, who I continually forgive, you are contented by something I give to you? Wow. I'm so glad you're happy. I'm so glad that as long as I seem gracious to you, you're happy. Because really, that's all I care about."

And, yes, I know my bitterness cannot be transposed onto God, but I think we're missing something. God  is enough. Not his grace. God himself. I'm not contented with merely having grace from my God. That's not enough for me. I need all of him. Call me greedy, but I need God and all that he does. I need his justice, his mercy, his sovereign good will, his love, his benevolence, his omniscience. I need a God that's more than gracious.

And I have one.

So, I'm sorry, I can't sing along with you in a happy refrain telling my mighty God that one of his attributes is enough for me. I need all of him.

And more importantly, it's not about me. It's not about what I think is enough. I think I'm wasting my time crying out to God that's he sufficient. What he needs to hear is more like, "God, I trust you even when I don't feel your grace. Even when I'm discontented with you. God, you are my everything, even when I don't act like it. Even when I don't believe, I want to."

So, here's my prayer:
God, I don't really feel like your being all that gracious right now. I don't feel like you're enough. But I know you are more than everything I need and more than I can want. I know that my human mind can't comprehend how your grace works and can't understand your logic, but I trust it. I trust that you know what you're doing. And Lord, I don't say that to build your ego. I say it so I can remind myself of what you really are so that I may feebly attempt to worship you in a way that is honoring. You are worthy of the utmost praise, and I am incapable of giving it. But all I am, I lay before you. And I ask that you teach me how to love you more, not for my sake, but for yours.