Journey

Sometimes, you just don't know what to expect.

Right now, at 2 am, I am sitting in bed reminiscing about a weekend well spent. 2 days ago, I hoped in a car with a sea of near strangers and drove to a place I had never been to attend a wedding of dear friends.

It's been an adventure.

My traveling companions included a close friend and 3 men I hardly know and vastly different. Sitting in a cafe drinking strong coffee, we talk about God, ethnicity and expectations. We're real about who we are, what we feel, what matters in life.

An hour later, we're swimming in a pool telling hilarious jokes and faking tai chi and ballet.

There is something about these people that allows me to be completely myself. I don't have to put on a charade: I can be me. Fully. It's a beautiful thing to be with people who are so real that there is no need to put on a front. I'm loving this. I only wish I felt the same way about the rest of the people in my life.

It makes me wonder where the problem is. Am I simply unwilling (or more rightly, afraid) to be myself or is it the people I'm with?

Mark made a comment that stuck with me. He said, "If you stand up for the truth, it doesn't matter what people say."

It doesn't matter if the people I'm around would love me less if I were really me. I need to stand up for the truth. I need to love God and how he has made me. I need to be fully me without this mask that makes me out to be a good Chrisitan. I need to recognize my need to be loved, my wrong placement of self-worth and my pride that stop me from fully embracing who God has made me.

I am a child of God. I am wonderfully and beauitfully made. So why am I pretending to be something other than who I am?