Do not be slothful in zeal

"I want something old." She declares in a thick Russian accent as she brushes her finger over our collection of former Founder's Week messages.

"Old." I repeat, looking around the booth filled with old things taken from the dusty back storage room of the library.

"Well... these are... old..." The words barely held together through my confused pauses as I point to a 1920 student handbook.

"2 dollar is too much."

Right, this was going to be a worthless sale.


"Your hair is pretty. Shiny like metal."

Shiny like metal? This conversation only gets more interesting, I think as I kindly thank her for what I hope was meant as a compliment.

Twenty minutes later, she decides on two pamphlets of poor quality to purchase because they "felt" old.

"2 dollars." I tell her.

Leaning over to write her receipt, another wonderful compliment flows from her mouth:

"You're pregnant!"

I stop writing mid-letter, and look at her confused.

"No. No, I'm not." I say with a smile, trying to hide my confusion and repulsion at the suggestion.

"Soon? You trying, yes? With your husband?"

I discreetly look at my left hand — still bare.

"...no. Um, I'm... not married."

I look down, ashamed, embarrassed, self-conscious. Not pregnant. Not married. Not even close.

Single.

The word reverberates around my skull, bouncing off the walls and remaining steadily at the center of my attention.

Do not be slothful in zeal.


Zeal for what?

Do not be slothful in zeal. The idea repeats in my head.

Be zealous for what?
For marriage?
For contentment?

What God, does zeal have to do with this moment?

"You student?" She asks unaware of the flood of emotions and the argument aflame inside of me.

"Yes.  I am a senior." I say and smile, while looking nonchalantly at my ring finger, for the first time feeling like it is missing something.

"Good."  With a giddy smile glued to her face, she reaches into her pocket, grabs a penny, and places it in my hand.

"Come to America for education," she says, "Not money."

And with that she left, taking her "old" things with her.

Zeal for what?

Zeal for this moment, for this time of life.

Do not grow weary of the circumstances in which God has placed you.

He has me here: in school, single — and it is beautiful.