Romans 12:11 -- Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.
Yesterday I was terribly conflicted. I knew that my blogging time was limited this week, but I never wrote the blog I needed to for last week on "do not be slothful in zeal" but a new week had begun and I needed to focus on the proper week. I needed to "be fervent in spirit (serve the Lord)."
Then this morning, as I stood in chapel worshipping alongside my amazing floor and our awesome brothers, I realized that my two blog posts are really the same thing. Thus, let the story begin with last Friday, trudging home alone from Founder's Week, sick, voiceless and cold:
I thought about leaving with friends. It would seem the logical thing to do, but unable to talk, I felt more like a leech than I did a part of a group. I planned to catch a bus, but just barely missing it, decided that walking would be warmer than standing at the bus stop and started on my way home through the sludge that was once snow and salt.
It was lonely and depressing — the kind of thing one does when she has no friends and no one to confide in.
I stepped in a puddle. It was unavoidable really, the small ocean that had formed at the junction of a driveway and the sidewalk. A puddle too large to jump, I simply had to sink into it, letting my boots fill with cold water, while I marched on in the winter wind.
Angry and annoyed, I began to talk to God, aware that without a voice and all alone, I really had no other option. My theme for the weak was "do not be slothful in zeal," a great theme, I thought, considering it was Founder's Week. A whole week of sermons and worship services — plenty of opportunities to demonstrate my zeal.
Except when you're so sick you can't stand up and you have lost your voice to the point that a whisper is painful — and you start to feel sympathy for the lifelong smokers who now use a small box to speak since they have so thoroughly destroyed their vocal chords — demonstrating zeal isn't exactly easy.
God, I began, this is not fair. How am I to be zealous when I can't share what I am thinking? How am I supposed to have energy to praise you when I hardly have the energy to get out of bed? How am I supposed to praise when the only person I can talk to is you?
When you have no voice, the only conversations you are able to have are with God.
When you have no voice, prayer is the only means of communication.
I know I'm repeating myself. My epiphany last week was that freezing cold, silent moment, when God pointed out to me that zeal is not about other people; it is about him. God does not want me to be zealous so I look good in a sanctuary. God wants me to zealous for his sake alone.
Romans 12:11 -- Do not be slothful in zeal. Be fervent in Spirit. Serve the Lord.
They go together. It is not three separate commands but a string of related actions. Our zeal is to be for the Lord. It is not done through our own strength but through the work of the Spirit. We need the Holy Spirit to enable us to serve God. We are fallen, depraved, selfish people. Be passionately in love with God, be filled with the Holy Spirit, and in so doing honor God.
This week, or more aptly, today, I have realized the blessedness of being filled with the Spirit. I have been in prayer continually as of late. I am up late praying, I am praying when I rise, and I am standing in chapel telling God that I have run out of words but still need to pray. Truthfully, I have never felt like this before. I have never stood before God and felt a true communion with him. A theoretical one, an intellectual one — yes. But not like this.
This week I am being fervent in Spirit and I hope it is serving the Lord.
May God received glory through all that I do. May the joy of my salvation be ever present; may the Holy Spirit enable me to honor God in my thoughts and prayers and actions. To him who was and is and is to come, may all glory and honor be. Amen.
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